Semi Finals

“I go hard every day just in case there is one person in the stands who has never seen me play.”

.... That is how I felt today when I pitched my last game for the Devils.

This morning I woke up and put my Devil jersey on just like I have been doing for the past two summers. I tied my polka dot ribbon and and laced up my purple cleats all for the last time.

Today was my game to pitch. The second game of the best of 3 semi final series against the Eagles. To advance to the finals we needed to win two games today. It was my job to set the tone for the day.

I had a horrible pitching warm up. My legs were killing me from the scrapes from sliding in yesterdays game and my curve ball was flat. I think I was making my catcher Nadja nervous, so I ended my warm up early. Either my pitches were going to work, or they wouldn't. I wasn't going to force it.

When I took the field with the Devils in the first inning, I sprinted to the mound, just like I always do.

"Here we go Devils"

In my first warm up pitch I felt my timing fall into place. Step, lunge, drag, pull-step. POP.

The ball hit Nadja's glove. I took a deep breath. Ahhh... there it is. My pitcher's high. The feeling I have lived for for the past 12 years. The feeling of knowing that I have worked hard enough throughout my entire softball career to be able to throw MY pitch and the batters will have to deal with it.

Today, I threw every pitch like it was my last. I wanted to be able to leave the field, win or lose, knowing that I had done everything I could to help the team. I walked around the mound, yelling the outs and the plays so everyone could hear. On the mound today I felt like me. Leading my team, strong, composed, and confident. Although I like to think I am like this in the rest of my life too, there is no other place where I feel as as home as in the center of the softball diamond.

It sounds kind of cheesy but, in the last few innings of the game when I was getting the signs from Nadja, I thought about all the times I had thrown my pitches to my dad. I pitch the best when I pitch to him. He would have been proud today.

We ended up losing 1-0 to the Eagles in a hard fought loss. Now, that is softball for ya. I probably pitched the best game I have thrown all season. I feel happy about that but at the end of the game my pitcher's high was replaced by this empty feeling. I don't know when, if ever, I will pitch another game again with such a special team behind me. I feel like I am letting go of an old friend.

I don't know where the future is taking me but I am sure softball will always be apart of my life in some way. The Devils have helped me with this transition from die hard softball player, to someone who respects and loves game, but also feels happy on the sidelines (it took two years...ha). I am grateful for that.

Devils,

Thank you for another great summer. A year ago I wrote a letter to you that became more than a letter. It become my personal story, a master's degree, recognition at film festivals, and it celebrated you. This summer was widely different than last but, again, it was life changing. I feel like I am losing my old friend the softball mound, but I know I will never lose you because your Devil spirit will always be apart of me.